19th May 2025
If you’re here, it’s no coincidence. Maybe there’s something you can take from this-a spark of inspiration, a thought that pops up, or just a sense that you’re not alone. Ride with it. If you get bored, that’s okay too-trust your gut and do what feels right.
Dear Jax,
Today marks around two weeks since I last had a drink. I’m taking it one day at a time, trying to understand why the anxious, niggling monster and my obsessive-compulsive patterns-especially the spiritual OCDs-have crept back in. Recently, I lowered my sertraline from 75mg to 50mg. That’s definitely playing a role.
You might wonder why I reduced it. The truth is, I’ve been struggling with major fatigue-falling asleep at work, needing naps, and still feeling exhausted. There are other symptoms I won’t get into today, but my doctor’s trying to figure out if it’s chronic fatigue or if the sertraline is the culprit. I’ve also gained three stone in the past two years, and that could be part of the picture too.
I’ve tried sobriety before-twice over the last two years, each time for about six months. Honestly, it helped, but the fatigue never really left, and I felt more alone than ever. I heard recently that “to ascend, you have to descend.” I didn’t think about that back then. I just slipped back into the cycle: binge drinking, weekend after weekend. Looking back, I realized a lot of the people I was hanging out with on those weekends weren’t really my people when I was sober. Alarm bells, right? Sometimes you don’t notice until you step away.
I’m scared to say “never drinking again”-maybe because I don’t want to make it permanent or put pressure on myself. But deep down, I know it’s the right thing to do. Yesterday, I almost caved when I went for a drink with my partner, best friend, and her boyfriend (who’s also my brother). It was a safe space, but the sunshine was whispering, “let’s do it.” My partner gently brought me back to reality, and today, as I walked my dog alone-with no headphones or phone-I realized how much happier I felt for not giving in.
If only I could harness that power when the gremlins pop in-because in the moment, that Venus flytrap looks so tempting, like I’m hypnotized.
I also know I’m on a spiritual journey right now, not just for myself but for anyone who wants to listen or be helped. I want to build a community.
So until next time, Jax – keep going. You’re not alone.
If you would like a little more information on Spiritual OCD, then please check out health line.
